Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
