I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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