Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You need Xanax blowdarts
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
