Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
