New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
