I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
