If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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