If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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