i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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