i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize