a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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