so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
