I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
