I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is wine microwaveable?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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