I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
