dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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