He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
