so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
