you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
