and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Who died my cat blue again?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
