you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
