i permit you to call me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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