He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
