I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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