I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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