I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
