I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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