I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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