the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
