if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
