If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My liver just had a heart attack.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
