didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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