found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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