She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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