It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
