my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
