I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize