why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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