WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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