He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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