Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
