I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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