he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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