i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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