i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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