I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
