im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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