Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
FUCK WHALES
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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