Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
