so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
