Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
