i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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