you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
