We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my sisters under your porch take her home
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
