If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
this hospital has no fireball
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize