I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
