I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
