I will die if light touches me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
