Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
