You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
