I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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