so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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